The Path of a Healer

My Journey

Introduction

Healing Building resilience reiki master healing touch Registered nurse healer mead maker alchemist mystic

Thank you for your interest in my ever evolving story. I hope you will be inspired and begin your journey into healing. Everyone has had experiences in their life that have changed them in some way. My story is no different and it is told not for sympathy or to say my experience is better or worse than yours. It is merely to help you by showing that I have been through some horrible experiences, but I have also been through some very miraculous experiences in my life. My hope is that my story will give you hope and peace in knowing that whatever your obstacle, you can move forward and heal. This blog is not for that faint of heart. I will discuss personal trauma, abuse, and heartache. I will also use some examples of other people’s stories where I feel it would help illustrate healing. I write this story at the urging of many of my patients and friends who I told small excerpts of my life and all of them said I should write a book to inspire people.

This story will give you some ideas on how you can move forward in life and heal from the experiences that have impacted your life. Looking back on my life I can clearly see the experiences that pushed me to become a healer and strive to help others heal. I became a Registered Nurse on this journey and later added many healing modalities to my toolkit to help others heal. I am truly here on this plane to facilitate healing and spiritual growth. I will discuss some of these healing techniques and information on learning them in these pages.

Reflecting on my life has instilled an unwavering faith in a higher power and this absolute faith has made my life very blessed. I have been able to achieve anything I put my mind to. I completed a master's degree in nursing science education, I am a Reiki Master of over 20 forms of Reiki, I am a Level 5 Healing Touch Practitioner, and a teacher.

I am currently studying the Art of making medicines (Spagyrics/ Alchemy) as another way to help heal our world. I am a mead maker, a seamstress, an Empath, a psychic medium, and a mystic. I have also been told I am an Archangel incarnate, a Starseed (both Arcturian and Pleiadean), I am multidimensional and still learning more. I am honored to share my journey with you. I only hope you are not harmed in any way by what I write as I know the pain I have endured and wish it on no one. I was a daughter, I am a sister, a mother, a wife, a friend, and continue to learn more each day.

I truly hope my story inspires you and helps you heal. You are ready to be inspired and begin your healing process. You’ve taken the first step…..you are reading this story. But it can’t help you if you don’t read it.

Please leave comments on writing suggestions or rewording suggestions. I am working through a process and this is an every evolving story as more memories are unlocked. There was a time all I could remember were bad times. As I have been putting them to "paper" many better memories are surfacing.

This story is every evolving So I will add update dates incase you read a section and I have new memories for that age surface and update it.

Thank you for sharing my Journey with me, may you be blessed with Health, Peace, Love, Light, and Abundance.

Sheri

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My Story: Birth

Warning: This story contains graphic content not suitable for all audiences, there are triggering situations including: Suicide, Rape, Sodomy, Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Pedophilia, Sexual content, etc.

Traumatic Birth

Trauma angels birth

For those interested in my miraculous life.....here is a start. I was born in trauma and have lived through so many things it's why I say I've had a miraculous life. It is also why I know I have a purpose and became a healer.

While my mother was pregnant with me a few things occurred. My parents house caught fire and my great aunt's car went over an embankment when she drove my mother to a hospital (OHSU) for my sister's heart valve issue, while my mother was pregnant with me.

For quite some time during the pregnancy my mother told the doctor she felt like her uterus was falling out, but the doctor never checked. When she went into labor, she planned on having me in the barn, but my Aunt M insisted on taking her to the hospital (lucky for both of us). As she was pushing, her uterus did in fact come out, with me in it. The story gets a little convoluted at that point as I heard it from my Aunt M and mother, but they had knocked my mother out at that point to safely deliver me (40% chance for either of us to live through the uterus prolapsed with me in it). Mom says they just shoved it back in and then I was born. First as a nurse, I had to research if this story was even possible, as other than my own story, I had never learned about it in nursing school. But it does rarely occur. We both lived through it, thankfully. So, from my birth, I survived something I could have easily died from.

Interestingly, on November 14th, 2024, I underwent Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy (QHHT) During the session the first memory I saw to was of my birth. I see my mother on the table, and I see her begin pushing and the uterus comes out. There is panic in the room. I see one doctor, two nurses, and one anesthesiologist. The Anesthesiologist puts a mask on my mother's face, and she goes to sleep. I see three Archangels in the room, and I become aware that the baby did not survive, I begin crying in the session and proclaim "I didn't make it" but then, I am no longer the soul in the baby, I am one of the Archangels. Raphael asks me to go into the baby. He says the woman has suffered too much already and she could not take more loss. I am not happy about it, but I understand so I do. I am born shortly after. It is interesting to have this vison while under hypnosis as I had been told in 2019 that I was an Archangel incarnate when a gentleman measured my energy field with a device he had. My Aunt M described hearing me cry 30 minutes before I was actually born, which I do not actually believe was possible as I was still in the uterus.

So, I arrived on this Earth born to a mother and father that were very poor. Dad worked as a farm hand when I was born. Mom took care of the house and kids. I was the 3rd child. My sister was born March 9th, 1960. My mother miscarried 2 babies and then my brother was born, March 9th, 1962. Not a good birthday present my sister always joked. Mother miscarried two more times before I came into the world. Which must be why the Angel talked about her losses and why she could not take any more. Next entry will be from ages 1-6.

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Last Update: 4/20/2025

My Story: Age One to Six

I do not have many memories of my childhood other than some of the traumas over the next few years and I continued to have things happened that could have led to me dying. At around age 1, I contracted Scarlett fever. As I said before, my parents were poor. So, I did not get proper treatment until I was extremely ill and nearly died. I am now at a high risk for Rheumatic Heart Disease from it. Luckily, I have not shown any signs of it.

During my second year my parents' marriage was falling apart. I will go into more detail later in the story. My Aunt J told me when I was in my 30's that the three of us children were removed from the home and made wards of the state just before my mother left my father. I later learned we remained wards of the state until we each turned 18. By the time I was three years old, my parents were separated, and mom had moved us from the coast to Portland. This part may be triggering, I only have the one memory of living in this apartment, but I can remember knowing about sex already at this age and trying to kiss a boy on the back steps of our apartment and him pushing me away. Mom always talked about how the apartment was haunted and the lights would turn off and on at night. There was a rocking chair that rocked on its own as well.

We still lived in this apartment when I was age 3 and my sister pushed me off the steps and broke my collar bone. Not life threatening, but traumatic. By this time my parents had divorced, and my dad had remarried a woman with 2 children. One was born March 9th, 1965. So, I now have 3 "siblings" with the same birthday. The other stepbrother was born July 2, 1966.

After the divorce the three of us children spent a lot of time at our grandparents. They lived in the country, in Tillamook, and we played in the forest for hours. There was a farm next door with cows, and they had an electric fence. We were warned not to go near it. But when I was four, I saw the dog go under it and got worried about it and tried to go under it after the dog. But accidentally grabbed the electric fence but I couldn't let go, I had both hands on it, and I was getting electrocuted. I remember being very scared and how the tingling felt going up my arms. It seemed like forever before my grandpa came to pull me off the fence after running to get his rubber gloves. I still remember it vividly. I was never taken to the doctor to get check out. But here I am. It must not have had a pulse current, or I would have been able to let go.

The at the age of 5, my mother was living with a woman (L) that she was involved with. This woman felt I was too old to sit on my mother's lap or hug her. She always had us either doing chores or upstairs being quiet. This is when I started seeing spirits. There was a little girl who looked very similar to me. She would take me on trips in my dreams. She took me to the Frog King, and I could swim underwater for hours. She took me on a train to heaven. She was my constant companion. We would laugh and play. My mother could hear her talking to me. At the time my mother was part of a Spiritualist group. They loved hearing my stories of my spirit friend. However, there were also very mean spirits in the closet at the top of the stairs. They threw things at us if we tried to go in there. I can remember having to pull the blankets over my head when I was trying to sleep because they would come in and I could see them. The basement in the house was also not right. I had a life size doll, and it would move on its own. There was an evil eye on the floor according to my brother, but I don't remember it. I once had a dream years later that there was a portal there to a negative place. Both my mother and L had health issues and were in and out of the hospital frequently. I often wonder now if the spirits in the house had any effect on their health.

That year we went camping with another group of my mom's female friends. One of them ("Aunt N") brought her Doberman who was blind. I apparently got too close to its food dish, and it attacked me biting clear through both of my legs. My mom rushed me to the doctor, and I was told if it had been another quarter of an inch I would have been crippled for life. I think having to get a tetanus shot added to the trauma. That year I also fell on a sharp rock while running home one day and ended up with a decent scar on my elbow from it. It probably needed stitches but I was not taken to the doctors for it.

I can remember always being boy crazy. I went to one of my brothers’ friend's house and his friend had a deaf brother who apparently liked me. He showed me this by climbing up a ladder and peeing on my head. I ran all the way home crying and mom put me in a bath. I remember using so much soap that my private area began burning. Another time the little boy across the street convinced me to look at his penis under the canopy. But the worst thing regarding me being boy crazy was the 13-year-old boy that convinced me to “Play" with him under the cherry tree behind our house. He molested me. I do not remember if he penetrated me, but I believe he did. I have held so much guilt over that my whole life because I had agreed to go down there to hang out with him and my sister liked him and I don't know why but that made me want to hang out with him. However, I did not know that was what he meant by play.

We lived in that house until I was six. During my years there I was drawn to collecting stones and would collect them and then try to sell them to the neighbors. I also committed my first crime; I stole candy from the local market and got caught. I am glad I got caught as it made me never want to do it again. It was on my sixth birthday and the Campfire and Rainbow Girls were meeting at my house. My mother also had a Portland wrestler come in to meet the girls but because I stole the candy I was sent to my room and not allowed to participate.

My last day in that house was my first experience with clairaudience. I remember being out in the neighborhood and handing out flyers for some of my mother’s friends that were opening a pet store. But I got bored and went home. I thought my brother and sister were also out passing flyers, but my sister was at that 13 year old boy’s apartment and my brother said he was at a friend’s. As I approach the house, I see my mom’s other friend "Aunt N" (the one with the Doberman) on the porch and I am told to go to the kitchen. As I get to the kitchen A male voice in my right ear tells me “Go out the back door and around to the front of the house NOW! So, I did. As I reached the front yard my mother and her friend (Aunt N) came running out frantically saying go find your brother and sister. From here I heard 3 different stories. My mother’s version: She was planning on leaving her girlfriend L and when she tried to tell her they were in the bedroom and her girlfriend L pulled out a gun and aimed it at her and the three of them struggled with it, it went off. Had I still been standing in the kitchen the bullet would have hit me. The girlfriend L turned the gun on herself and committed suicide. My “Aunt N’s” version: The two of them had told L in the living room that mom was leaving her, then L went into the bedroom, they heard the gunshot, and my mother went in to check on her and found her. My actual Aunt J, whom we went to her house after the incident, says my mother told her that she was alone with L and had struggled with the gun and then L turned it on herself. She also mentioned my mother had not called the police before bringing us over to her house. At any rate I was interviewed by the police since I had been at the house, and I remember telling them about the voice telling me to leave.

We then moved into the “Aunt N's” house. Shortly after we moved there my spirit friend took me on a train to a place, I now believe may have been purgatory or waiting place. It was a long, long hallway with thousands of people. They were all just standing there. We came upon my uncle P, he had passed when I was 5, I had loved him dearly, and I knew he was okay. Then we came upon my mothers GF L and I saw she was okay. I did not see my spirit friend again until recently when she stepped forward and introduced herself as one of my guides and finally told me her name, Emily.

Okay, this is another good stopping point, this one is a lot to take in. Thank you for reading

Love, Light, Peace, Happiness, Health, and Abundance to each of you lovely souls

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Age 1-6

triggering personal history Trauma Ghosts child Abuse Suicide Spirits Miracle Sex abuse Sex

Last Update: 4/20/2025

My Story: Age Six to Eleven

Age 6-7

triggering child abuse Sexual Abuse Spirits personal experience

Dear brothers and sisters,

I will continue my story. My mother has just lost her partner and now we are moving in with her friend that has the Doberman (Aunt N) who bit me while camping. The neighborhood we moved into was primarily African American in North Portland as this was the late 60’s and although segregation was ending, attitudes remained. I spent that year in fight or flight mode. My brother and I were at one school whilst my sister was at another. I can remember having to run home every day because if I were caught, I would be in a fight. The teachers were no better. They made it noticeably clear that my kind (White) were not welcome. There were some good things too. My brother, aged 8, was able to sweep up the floor of a business around the corner each day for a little money and all the unflavored corn puffs we could want.

There was a park within walking distance, and not only did it have a pool, but it had equipment you could check out to use while in the park. But I was still dealing with living with the dog that had bitten me. That and Aunt N, mom's new friend, was mean to all of us kids. I now call her my "Aunt N" as she remained friends with my mom even after we moved away from her years later. They remained close until my mother’s passing and I still try to call her weekly. During my preteen years my older sister was held responsible for watching my brother and me. This was a lot to put on her and she tried but it made her mean as if we did anything wrong it was taken out on her.

I realize up to now this story does not sound too miraculous other than I am still here and have learned many things throughout my life. But there are miracles coming. I would say that the male voice telling me to leave the house when I was six, so I did not get shot, was a miracle though.

I need to back track just a little to living in the first house with my mom's girl friend L. While we were living there, we were still visiting my dad regularly. He lived on a farm and had a few horses. For some reason he thought it was appropriate for us to watch the pony try to mate with the horse. I have very few memories of being around my father up to this point. The memories I have are of disappointment. Christmas and birthdays with not even a card. But then my sister accused him of molesting her, and we were no longer allowed to see him. My mother even had us start using her maiden name and tried to hide us from him when we moved to the new house. After that, my mother forgot we were children and subjected us to hate speech and tried to convince us how evil he was.

That summer before I turned 7 was playing in the pool at the park and having fun. My sister started chasing me and I tried to climb out of the pool. She grabbed my ankles, pulling me back in, but I landed teeth first on the concrete side of the pool breaking my two front teeth off at sharp angles. Mom took me to the dentist, and they put these metal baskets on them. This has been a sore point for me all my life and why I do not like to show my teeth when I smile. Probably the grossest part of this incident was when we went back to the pool, a few days later, my teeth were still floating in the gutter of the pool. We only had to live in that neighborhood for less than a year before my “Aunt N” bought a house in a different area.

My mom was sick a lot throughout her life, so I spent a fair amount of time at my real Aunts or my Grandparents’ house. When I was 7, I was staying with my Aunt J, and she took me to her friends, and I was in their pool on a floatation device because although I spent a lot of time at the pool I had still not learned to swim. I fell off it and I was drowning. My Aunt J had to jump in and save me.

I loved the area we moved into right up until I started school. I had hoped I would have more friends now that we moved but I only found one person (L.M.) that would hang out with me and play. As I said earlier, we were extremely poor, we were on welfare. Mom was depressed all the time, as anyone would be after watching their partner unalive themselves. My “Aunt N” was paranoid about everything. Neither of them knew how to nurture the three of us kids. Laundry did not get done very often and so I smelled bad. As a result, I became the picked-on girl in my grade which led to even my one friend not spending time together with me very often.

Age 8-9

At age 8, Mom brought home a stray dog, named Trisha, and her litter of puppies, she became my constant companion. She was with me until I became an adult. Recently, she also came forward in a mediation I was doing to meet my guides and identified herself as my joy guide.

Lots of things happened in this house we moved into. We had a pair of horse statues that would keep changing their legs. This really scared my “Aunt N” so there was a lot of spiritual cleansing and burying of those horses. But the activity continued. This is when my psychic gifts began to get stifled as I was told they were evil and I was just imagining seeing spirits. Mom made us go to the local Methodist church but rarely attended with us. We also had a lot of animals, 2 monkeys, a peacock, chickens, cats, dogs, and fish. We lived right across from the grade school so mom frequently sent us there to play and stay out of her hair. One day while I was playing at the school yard after hours, I had a stranger come up to me and asked me to keep lookout for him while he did something on the school door, then proceeded to masturbate, something I should not have seen at age 8, but he paid me $5.00 so I did.

Life in our new house was not too bad as far as that goes. I was not in a fight or flight all the time anymore. I hated going to school not because I did not like to study, but because of being picked on all the time. We lived near The Bomber Gas Station with a B-52 plane propped above it. We had two Sheri's in my class; Sheri P and me, Sheri B. So the kids quickly began calling me Sheri B Butt Bomber. But the neighborhood was good, and we had a lot of freedom as my mother would go up to the local restaurant for hours having coffee and we pretty much did what we wanted. We just had to be home by dark. We lived much closer to one of my mother's sisters (Aunt J) so occasionally we would get home and be in trouble because our aunt J had seen us out doing something she did not think we should and would tell our mother. I had my dog Trish, and she would follow me everywhere. She was a beautiful white Shepard with golden tips. She would climb up the stairs to the slide and slide down behind me and climb the ladder up to the roof and bark at people as they passed by. She brought me much joy. The other animals were fun too, I was in the Rainbow Girls club and when we went out to sell candy we would take the monkey, I sold so much candy, and they did not even take the candy most of the time. They just wanted to see the monkey.

As I mentioned before, we were extremely poor. When I was 9 years old, my brother had talked the local drug store into letting him do a few chores for a little extra money. I kept going with him and so they let me dust the shelves for a little money too. My first “job.” At ten I started babysitting. I did that for a few years. Meanwhile my brother started mowing people's lawns and I would also go with him eventually taking over his lawn business after he taught me how to do it. He also found a local carpenter that was teaching him some woodworking skills. So, the two of us have always been industrious and found ways to make money. We both had paper routes and collected bottles for money. One of the things my mom had us do a few times was to go to this local place where you could pay to ride the horses. I though it was really cool, except for some reason every time I went the horse would try to run for the barn and I would have my head slammed into a tree branch while it tried to knock me off of it. This happened two or three times before I stopped going as I already had a couple of concussions from it.

This was also a period where my anger was out of control. I once broke my mother’s sewing scissors in one hand (that got me in a lot of trouble). After that I was told to take my anger out on the unwanted bamboo grove in the yard. I don’t know if you have ever tried to pull bamboo up, but it is nearly impossible to pull out. I was 9 years old…. There is no bamboo left in that yard. I was quite strong for my age, easily carrying 50-pound bags of concrete by age 9. It is also my first attempt at leaving this planet by taking a knife to my wrist. My sister happened to walk in and stop me. I felt so alone and different from everyone, even in my own family. I was close with my brother but that was because our mom made him responsible for looking out for me.

During the time between 3rd grade and 5th grade we were still living with moms’ friend the “Aunt N.” There were a lot of control issues and a lot of emotional abuse and neglect. At the same time my brother and I became entrepreneurs, not only working at the local drug store, mowing lawns, and babysitting but also running a Kool-Aid/lemonade stand in the summers.

Mom also picked up some money under the table at a local sewing shop and we got to go there with her. They also packaged pantyhose, and I was taught how to do this and made a little money from that. But it closed and for a little while it became a YMCA type of place we could go to and hang out. I learned to play pool there and we did things like paper drives. One of the counselors there asked me a question I will never forget though. He thought my flirtatious nature was me wanting that kind of attention and he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I was 9 or 10 years old at the time, I said it was not an invitation, and he dropped it. I do not know why but I never told anyone about it to make sure he did not hurt anyone in the future.

Age 10-11

When I was 10 years old, I woke up during the night and my stomach hurt so badly, I could not sleep, but I was afraid to go wake up my mom, so I laid there all night. In the morning, I told my mom I did not feel well and had a bad stomachache. But I never wanted to go to school and said I was sick a lot, so she made me go to school. At school all I could do was lay my head on the desk and cry. When it was time for recess the teacher came over and asked why I had not gone out to play and I told her I felt sick. So, she sent me to the nurse's office, and I had a fever of 103.8F°. She spent the next 3 hours trying to find my mother to get me.

Mind you my mother did not work at the time. So, mom finally picks me up and takes me to the doctors where they determine I have acute appendicitis and need surgery. So, she drove me to the hospital. I go in for surgery and the doctor starts giving me the medicine telling me it will make me sleepy, About 10 minutes later he gives me a little more as I am still wide awake, a few minutes later the doctor doing the surgery looks at him and asks why I am still awake, he says he's already given me more than I should have needed but agrees to give me a little more. I still have not gone to sleep. He gives me a little more than tells me to just listen to them talk while I count backwards, I distinctly remember thinking well that is going to be boring, I am just going to go to sleep then.

My next memory is of floating above my body watching my appendix burst as they pull it out of me and a bunch of commotion. Then I am in the hall above my mother, and she is crying hysterically. I am conscious of not wanting to hurt her and fighting my way back to my body. Interestingly, after my mother passed, I had an incredible experience I will tell later but my memory expanded to a part of the memory that had been hidden from me all those years. I went into the light and met a Christlike being. He told me it was not my time but that because I had come into the light, he had a job for me later. I was to help lost spirits cross over. Then I was back in by body.

Children are so cruel though. When I went back to school some of the boys started calling me fat because my belly was still bloated. I was very thin at that age. But from then on, I thought I was fat because of what they said and have had self-image issues ever since. I became anorexic and later suffered from binge eating without purging.

Another memory about this time frame just surfaced. My mom started letting older kids hang out at or house to “foster” them, but it was unofficially. One of these teenage boys wanted to teach me how to give a massage and I seemed to have a natural talent for helping relieve people’s pain. At first it was innocent enough, but one time no one else was around and he asked me to do things I knew I should not do. Although he respected my refusal, I felt very uncomfortable. I told my mom, and she made all these kids go back to their homes. But at the same time, she made me feel like it was my fault for letting him teach me how to give a massage as I “made myself available” to him.

At this time in my life looking back at all these times when I received inappropriate attention from males, and I can only wonder if the light I was born with draws attention to me not only from spirits but from the living as well. I don’t know if that is the answer or not, but it would make sense. Especially during the darker periods when I was lost and denied any of it happened at all.

School was okay, I got good grades, unfortunately that made me a further target of being called the teacher's pet. I was not good at sports and dreaded having to do physical education. At one point we were learning to play softball and of course I was always picked last. So, the teacher tried to show me how to swing the bat and ended up smacking me in the forehead with it causing me a concussion.

I was still going to my grandparents for the summers and in my tenth year we were at the fair like we did every year, and I was on a spinning ride, and I hit puberty while I was wearing white pants. I went to my grandma as no one told me I was going to have a mess to deal with when puberty hit, and she thought it was funny but got me what I needed, which was a bit mortifying as it was the way it was dealt with in the old days. Not the store-bought version.

In fifth grade, mom decided she had had enough of living with our “Aunt N" and we moved to an apartment right next to the high school. I was really excited at first as we moved into a different school district. So, I am thinking I will get a fresh start. No one will know me, and I will not be getting picked on all the time. No luck, it was not long before someone who knew someone heard about my nickname, and it started all over again.

I did made a friend at our apartment complex, and we used to walk all over the place. one day she thought it would be cool if we walked to a market a mile or so away. On the way there she said she needed to go to the bathroom and so we stopped at a restaurant on the way. She was taking a long time in the bathroom so I went in to check on her and she shoved a can of spray paint in my hand and went running for the door. I looked in the bathroom and she had sprayed graffiti all over the walls. I ran too. We ditched the can as we went out. We headed on to the store and walked around. We were hungry after the walk and my friend said let’s get some food, I said I didn’t have any money, and she said she did, so we grabbed some packs of meat. I went outside and soon after she came running out and told me to hurry. Turned out she didn’t have any money either and had just stolen the food. We ate as we walked and as we passed the restaurant we saw the police car. We tried to go into another store, but he came in and took us both to the car and put us in the police car for the vandalism. He took us to our respective parents, and I got into big trouble. When we had to go to juvenile court the other girl never showed up and I told my story. Since it was my first offence, I was given probation and had to clean or repaint the restaurant’s bathroom.

Another thing that happened while I was hanging out with this girl is my mom was babysitting this little boy about 6-year-old and my mom had me watching him while she went out to coffee. This girl came over and the little boy had done something he wasn’t supposed to so she convinced me the proper punishment was to have him strip naked and stand in the middle of the room. I have had a lot of guilt over having this poor little boy do that and letting this girl convince me to do such a horrible thing.

My brother and sister and I all did our first March of dimes watch while we lived in this apartment. I lost my siblings during the walk and took a bus by myself after the (I remember it being 20 miles) walk. I fell asleep on the bus and must have rode it all the way to the end. When I got home my mom was upset with me for not staying with my siblings.

Then we moved again to a house that I did not like. There was mildew in the bathroom that we could not get rid of and I was back at the school I went to in 3rd grade again. My sister had a friend that started hanging out regularly around this time. I remember them listening to music and having black light posters. Mom would a often take us all and drop us off at the movies for a double feature and my sisters friend would come with us. We would also take the bus to Sellwood and go to the swimming pool on our own.

After a couple of months we moved again to a house just around the corner. I remember my bother wanted to live our in the detached garage at this house. Mom bought this strange fold down couch. It was close to the river and my brother and I would go down and try fishing in the river.

But it was not long before we moved again only this time I loved the house and I did not have to change schools this time. It has a nice yard and we each have our own rooms. Mine is small, but that is okay, I still like it. Mom started taking on more babysitting jobs and that is a little frustrating as I do not like some of what I saw her do with these kids, especially around potty training. But I am rarely home even at the young age of 11. My sisters friend is hanging out at our house a lot, even when my sister is not home. She had this pretty long straight dark hair and I would watch her comb it. At the time I wouldn't comb my hair because it hurt too much. Then I asked her how she could comb her hair like that. After that I was able to comb my hair. To be fair, my hair is thick and wavy vs straight, but it still worked.

Mom bought a sewing machine and I watched her sew. She let me have the material scraps and I was able to use her sewing machine. I learned how to sew making barbie doll clothes.

I see a lot of memes out there about how tough my generation was, technically they are about Gen X as I am a boomer by a year. We drank from the garden hose, were out until the streetlights came on, and walked miles to school. It is funny because it was true.

Life feels better not living with “Aunt N” because we were no longer living in constant fear. We were still poor, and I can remember getting the food boxes from the USDA with cheese and other staples. Mom didn’t cook much and I can remember eating pancakes for over a month straight because it was all we could afford. Sometimes she did cook and taught me how to cook a few dishes like beef stroganoff and beef stew. One good thing about being poor was some summers we were able to go to the Salvation Army Camp for a week.

I want to say it is not that I never had any friends. Throughout my childhood there were a few people who would play with me as long as I no one else was around to see them hang out with me. I guess I wouldn't call them friends as much as acquaintances. Anyone I played with for longer than a week or two seemed to move away or were too afraid to let our classmates know they played with me. I can remember going to some people's house in Willamina, Oregon. My brother had made friends with them and my mom was fine with me going to their house for a couple of weeks. On the way to their house their car broke down and I remember them having me stand on the side of the road and stick my thumb out for a ride. I was only 11 years old at the time. They had a son and a daughter, and I had a lot of fun staying with them. The mother taught me how to make spaghetti and I have remembered that recipe ever since. I may have gone there twice but then never heard from them again.

One of my favorite parts of the summers at grandma and grandpas' was going to the Tillamook County Fair in August. At about 11 or 12 they started letting us work in the game booths, so I was able to earn a little fair money. My mom even worked for them for one year and we followed the fair from Tillamook to Canby. At about age 12 I also took a summer job picking Strawberries. It was not easy work and I only lasted a few weeks doing it. Seeing how the strawberries are picked and how they grow also made me lose my taste for them as picking them was pretty gross and the pay was very little for the amount of work you had to do.

I used to go and stay the night occasionally with my friend LM. She had also moved and now lived near our new house. I remember one time I went to stay the night with her and her grandpa lived in an apartment a couple of doors down from her mother. For some reason they let us stay there by ourselves. I remember we were playing with our Barbies, and we were pretending to make them have sex. Then we decided to see what the big deal was, and we laid naked together and bumped up against each other. We concluded it was not enjoyable. Later that night we found her grandfather’s Ex-lax. We thought it was chocolate. Big mistake. Soon after that she moved away, and I never heard from her again. I never had any interest in girls after that until much later.

In 3rd or 4th grade there was another girl that liked me to bring my Barbie collection over to play. But once someone else at school found out she stopped inviting me. In sixth grade I made friends with this nice girl, M.R. She was a foster child and had a foster sister that was in the same grade. MR never stopped being my friend during the school year, but her foster sister didn't like me. One day her foster sister decided to start a fight with me but agreed to meet after school off school grounds. At the time I was 5 foot 8 inches. larger than most of the boys in our class and I weighed about 110 pounds. So, I met her after school and a whole group of kids showed up to watch. I blacked out in the middle of the fight and all I can remember was being pulled off of her because I was choking her. A few weeks later they both stopped coming to school.

Around sixth grade I met another girl, LL, and we became friends but her parents didn’t like me either so I could only talk to her occasionally. Usually, it was while I was walking by her house, and we would talk over the fence, but she was not allowed to play with me. I spent a lot of time walking around the neighborhood with my dog. My brother found a cabinet maker that started teaching him woodworking. I was still going to my grandparents’ every summer. Grandma begins teaching me about gardening. I can remember her spending hours in the garden making sure there were no weeds interfering with her crop.

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My Grandparents House in Tillamook

Last Update: 4/20/2025

Aunt N

My Story: Ages Twelve to Thirteen

Age 12

Between sixth and seventh grade I had my first boyfriend, CW. He is a friend of my brother and the older brother of one of my classmates that I had a crush on. His family really liked us and took us to the beach with them. We had a lot of fun hiking and camping. The mom also paid me to do her ironing for a little extra money. But, one day I overheard my brother and his two other friends talking about betting on seeing which of the three of his friends was going to get the farthest with me. I was devastated. Not only to learn I was part of some bet and that was the only reason the boy was even acting like my boyfriend but to hear my brother knew all about it was too much. So, I confronted my boyfriend, and he said it was true, he was only being my boyfriend to win the bet. So, I walked away. I felt betrayed.

Around this time my mom took courses and became a Certified Nursing Assistant, CNA, and began working at Damasch State Mental Institution. So did her friend, my “Aunt N” so now I have even more freedom as my sister was hanging out with her friends and my brother was gone most of the time. One day I came home from walking my dog and my “Aunt N” and mom told me if I dressed the way I did I was going to get raped (I was age 11).

I came home one day and my mother says my brother had to go live with my father, whom she has hidden us from for 6 years. Apparently, the man my brother had been going fishing and other adventures had been taking inappropriate liberties with him. This was very difficult for me as we were close. I really could not understand why he had to go live with my dad after my mom had told us for years how our father had done inappropriate things to our older sister, so how was it okay now? I also now had to see this man, my father, with the knowledge of what he had done but act like I did not hear all the things my mom had told me about him and the abuse she endured as well.

After that my dad began visiting again. He bought my sister a car. She always said it was our of guilt. On one of those visits he dropped off a bag of books for my mother. I loved reading, in fact I read a lot over the summers I spent with my grandparents. I was looking for a book to read and remembered him leaving a bag of books so I took one out and began reading it. It turned out to porn. I liked it. It was a bit creepy reading a book that discussed a girl getting into the shower with her father and them having sex, especially with my sister accusing him of doing things to her. The other one that really stuck out involved bondage and boots bolted to the floor. Not appropriate for a 12 year old "virgin" to be reading.

Age 13

The day before my eighth-grade picture my sister and I got into a fist fight, and it wasn't pretty. I have a scratch near my collar bone from that fight. She moved out shortly after our fight. I often wondered if I was partially responsible for her leaving. In December of my 13th year my grandparents celebrated 50 years of marriage and renewed their vows. I was a nice celebration with all their children, grand children, and great grand children there to celebrate and we all dressed up in formal ware. It was one of the few times we all got together. It is one of my fondest memories.

Mom and “Aunt N” continue to go out for coffee frequently and one day my sisters’ friends were all over and my sister and several of her friends left to go do something, but one boy stayed behind. He was cute and seemed nice. So, I was cuddling on the couch with him when my sister’s female friend (KS), who my mother was having a relationship with, came back and found us. She basically threw him out of the house and told me I should not let older boys cuddle like that with me. This female was 15 at the time. My sister was still living with us until part way through my 8th grade year. My dad bought her a car soon after my brother went to live with him, so she was not around much anymore. She was still made to watch over my brother and I and that was not easy for her.

In 8th grade I made a two new friends, AS & ED. AS lived a little further away than ED and her family was into the biker scene. As soon as her mother, a full on biker chick, saw me, she decided her daughter should not associate with me. Meanwhile ED and I were inseparable. I spent a lot of time at her house. Her mom smokes pot and so we start smoking it occasionally. The first time I smoked it was actually when I was 10 years old, so I am not new to it.

I went to my grandparents’ house that summer and when I returned my friend had changed. She had a boyfriend who was a senior and had a car. At first this is cool; he picked us both up for school.

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Brother

Triggering child abuse sexual abuse neglect sensitive content not appropriate for minors

Last Update: 4/20/2025

Age 14

He had a friend I thought was cute. So, for my 14th birthday, I had a couple of girls over and they thought it was lame that we couldn’t have any boys over. My mom agreed we could have a couple of boys over, so my friend called her boyfriend, and we went out to pick up the boys. But we were gone for so long my mom went to bed before we got back. I could tell I really disappointed her and I regretted how I acted as she had gone out of her way to throw me a party.

Not too long after I started my freshman school year, I found another boyfriend, JS. We hung out for a few weeks, and I really liked him. He came over to ED's house and we were making out, but he wanted to go all the way, and I wasn’t ready, so he said okay. The next day at school I caught him making out with a girl, GG who was supposed to be my friend. Betrayed again. My other friend, ED saw how upset I was and talked her boyfriend into having his friend take us to the beach, skipping school. We went to the beach. Unfortunately, on the way back he got pulled over and received a ticket for speeding. We all forged notes for skipping school. The next day I am called into the principal’s office and confronted with my forged note. She also tells me she knows I skipped school with my friend and the two boys, but I deny it. I say I skipped it on my own because I was so upset. Later I got a call from my friend furious at my ratting them all out and telling me I am no longer her friend. I tried to tell her I did not say anything, but she cursed me and hung up. She would not talk to me after that. To add injury to insult not only did my mom ground me, but she also made me eat liver. It was so gross.

Later, during my freshman year I met another boy, DT, that I liked, and my mother encouraged me to go out with him. He was in my cousins’ friends’ group and so my mom thought he would make me popular. So, I go out on my official first date. We went to a movie and after the movie he drove to a private place. I asked him why he was parking in this out of the way place and he tells me it is so we can make out. To me at this point I think this just means kissing. So, we start kissing and before I know it, he tries to take my clothes off. I told him no and he said, then get out and walk home. So, I did. When I finally got home my mom was pissed that I was out so late. I told her what happened and all she could say was I must have led him on.

Shortly after this my mom stopped seeing my sister’s friend and she brought home this guy she met at the mental hospital. They get married within a week. I got an after-school job through a program called CETA and work for the Army recruiting office as a secretary. I am 5’8” and 119 lbs. The guys in the office were very flirtatious but told me I should lose weight. They were constantly commenting on my figure and being inappropriate to a 14-year-old. Worse, I babysat for one of these guys and knew his wife.

I was still being picked on at school and hated riding the bus so I would often walk home. It was about a 3 mile walk and I would be tired between working after school and the walking. One day I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to my new stepdad leaning over me strangely. I told my mom about it but she just said he was worried that I had Mono or something. But then I woke up one night and he was in my bed. He made some excuse that he mistook my room for my mom’s room despite the 2 feet of junk on my floor compared to her clean floor. Again, I tried to tell my mom, but she waved it off again. In January of that year, they decided to move back to the coast near my grandparents. But after having him do those things I did not want to move with them and my “aunt N” agreed to let me finish out the school year at her house. The day they were moving was my second attempt to leave this world by taking an entire bottle of aspirin. When they got back from moving the first load of furnishings, I was not feeling well at all so my mom told me to walk to the doctors to see what was wrong. I did not tell them I took the aspirin, so they did some labs and sent me home.

So, I move in with moms’ friend “Aunt N.” She works the evening shift, so I am pretty much alone most of the time. I have one friend, AS, that I must sneak around to see as her mother thinks I am a bad influence. You may be asking why she felt I was a bad influence. It was because I had a large chest and had hit puberty early. So, she judged me based on my figure and not by my actions. This is about the age when I started noticing I could do things with my mind, especially when I got upset. My previous friend, ED, accused me of telling the principal about our day trip and then started spreading rumors about me all over the school. I was able to pass tests with A’s but really didn’t do homework or study much, so my grades began slipping. I also found a book on ESP and arranged to do a test with my friend, AS. The test was that I would go to her house in the astral form, and she was to tell me what time she felt me there. I did not tell her what time I was going to do it. I decided to visit her at 0200 and got ready for bed and set my intention. The next morning, she called me and said she had seen me at 0200 and I even touched the piano. Well, that was cool.

One day I was walking in the hall, and a girl was making fun of me and I turned and looked at her with the thought I wanted to hurt her in my mind, and she literally tripped up the stairs and broke her leg. I did feel bad as I didn’t realize that would happen. After that they spray painted that I was a witch all over the girl’s bathroom. Then I was in Physical Education (PE) and we had to play with the medicine ball, some of the girls decided it would be fun to hurl it at my face and it caused my neck to snap back leading to whiplash. I went to the doctor, and he prescribed some muscle relaxers. I also got a couple of days off school and I was able to practice the techniques in the ESP book.

Around this time my friend that had moved away (M.R.) contacted me and I took a bus to Molalla to go see her. Together we caught another bus to downtown Portland. While we were there she pulled a couple of tricks as she was trying to get the money to run away. She told me how the foster dad at here current house was raping her on a regular basis. How horrible it was and that at least doing tricks she was getting paid for it. She told me all about how it worked and how she picked who she would go with, how to watch out for cops, and what to charge. We spoke on the phone a few times after that but then she did finally run away and I never heard from her again.

After the concussion and while I was off school, I received a call from a woman claiming she got my number from the couple I babysat for. She said it was her anniversary, and their babysitter could not babysit and would I please do it. She offered double the pay, which was a good amount. She said they wouldn’t be out late but had reservations at an expensive restaurant. I finally agreed and she said she would send her husband to pick me up. She even had my address already. About a half an hour later a nice-looking man came to my door and introduced himself and thanked me for being willing to babysit on such short notice. I got into the car, and he started driving. He offered me a little pot and since I was nervous about going with a stranger, I took some. It seemed like we had been driving for a very long time and had gone about 30 miles from my home. Then he said he needed to pick up something at a store really quick and stopped at a truck stop. When he got back in the car he headed back towards the way we had come on the freeway. I few minutes later he said he really had to use the restroom and was going to stop at the rest area. As the car came to a stop the doors all locked and I was unable to unlock them. He grabbed me and started kissing me. I said no but he kept doing it. He pulled my pants off and pushed me down. He entered me and it hurt really bad. I kept saying stop it hurts so he turned me over and he sodomized me. I was trying to get out of the car, I can still see my hands clawing at the window. Then he grunted and got off me. He told me to put my clothes back on. Then he drove me back towards my house. When he was about 3 blocks from my house, he told me to get out of the car. I walked home all the while my mom and “aunt N’s” words ringing in my ears. That if I dressed the way I did I would get raped. So, had been abducted and taken over 30 miles from my home. I had been Raped and Sodomized and I felt like it was my fault at the time. I got home and took a bath and cried. I guess I was lucky as he didn’t kill me.

The next night the man called me again. He talked to me like it had been a fun date, and he wanted to do it again. I screamed into the phone that it wasn’t a date, it was a rape and if he ever called again, I would call the police. Now I am upset and in my mind my virginity is gone (I had not realized what had happened when I was 6 years old had taken my virginity). So, I decided to go seduce the 19-year-old at the local market as I had been flirting with him for months, but he always said he would not take my virginity. So, I got dressed up and went there near closing time. I told him I was no longer a virgin and that I wanted to be with him like that. At first, he didn’t want to, but I kept trying. When the store closed, he chugged a couple beers and agreed. He took me to the storeroom and there on the cold concrete floor he took me. It was short and awful. Then he got off me and told me to leave and never talked to me again. That felt worse than the rape the night before.

I tried to call my friend, AS, but her mom answered and wouldn’t let me talk to her. So, I went home and took the whole bottle of muscle relaxers and drank a bunch of wine. I was starting to feel all warm and fuzzy when AS called. I told her about the rape and the store guy and then she heard a slur in my words and asked why I was slurring, and I guess I told her I was trying to kill myself. The next thing I know my “Aunt N” is home and taking me to her parents’ house to watch me and make sure I don’t pass on. My friend, AS, had her mom call my “Aunt N” to report my attempt. How sleeping on Aunt N’s parents’ couch was going to ensure my safety I am not sure. She never even woke them up to check on me. She had gone back to work. I have never been taken to a mental health doctor despite it being my 3rd attempt to end my life.

My next couple of months were miserable, now I am worried that I was pregnant as my period was late. I even started to attempt a coat hanger abortion. But it was too painful, and I stopped. Luckily my period came a day later. Because of my attempt at leaving this plane AS’s mom would not let her answer the phone and I was never able to see her again. She was still in eighth grade so I couldn’t see her at school. I am more alone than ever.

Being alone like that can be hard, but for me it started to feel like I was living on my own. Aunt N worked evenings and didn't get home until after midnight most nights, so I was free to do as I pleased. I figured out that guys only wanted one thing and now that my innocence was taken, I decided I could use that to my advantage. I continued looking into ESP and other ways I would be able to get what I wanted out of life. I continued to babysit and kept myself busy with that. I also found that the boys from school were fine hanging out with me and taking walks, again, as long as no one saw us.

I started hanging out at the building that had now undergone several business changes from the sewing shop my mom worked at to the YMCA and now it had become a thrift store. But that is not where I was hanging out. The owner’s son had moved into the back of the building, and I thought he was cute, so I was hanging around him. He wouldn't give in to my efforts as he felt I was too young. But he was nice, and I liked talking to him, so I hung out there frequently. He was teaching martial arts at the back of the building. I met another girl where I was babysitting, and we also hung out and made our plans to be rock stars. She was cool but once I stopped babysitting there I never saw her again.

I also met another girl (MZ) at school, and we started hanging out but then her mother met me and didn't want her to hang out with me. It really sucked that all these parents judged me even before I lost my innocence. It really made me feel isolated and like I was an undesirable person to be friends with. But her mom worked late hours too so we didn't let it stop us from hanging out. That is until I wasn’t within walking distance of her house anymore. But even after I moved, we stayed in touch and as soon as I moved back, we were back at having our shenanigans. Just as a little feel-good part of this story....I am still friends with MZ to this day.

In my loneliness I watched a lot of movies and one of those movies was The Bell, Book and Candle. In the movie she used her familiar, a cat, to cast a love spell. From that movie I got the idea of making a love spell to attract a boyfriend. I had this perfume called Love Spell, and I used that and my cat and cast the spell.

Not long after, late March, while I was babysitting, I saw a guy (PAF) in the parking lot working on his car. He called out to me and started talking to me. I was flattered that he thought I was cute. He was 23 at the time. He asked why I was hanging out in the apartments, and I told him I was babysitting. He made sure to chat with me the next few times I was there and then he suggested he come over to the apartment and chill with me that night. I agreed and he came over. He brought wine, yes, he knew I was 14. We kissed a bit but the 10-year-old boy I was babysitting made sure nothing else went on. He suggested I come over to his place on a night I was not babysitting and the lady I was sitting for agreed to cover for me so I could spend the night with him. So, I told my Aunt N that I must babysit all night and head over to his place. He had a friend from Seattle over but doesn't let that stop him from being with me. So, while he and his friend are finishing dinner, I had already eaten, he suggests I go in and take a shower. When I am almost done, he comes in and starts kissing me. We get in bed, and he goes down to perform oral on me. I have never had this done and am not sure about it. Then he makes a comment about me being a natural blonde. This embarrasses me as I had been in the locker room and all the other girls had dark pubic hair but mine was light so in my mind, I think I have still not matured yet. But he laughs and says no, it's a good thing and perfectly natural. Then he makes love to me. He is gentle and kind. What he didn't tell me was he and his friend had taken magic mushrooms with their dinner so as soon as he finished, he was tripping and went out to hang with his friend.

Since my "spell" appeared to work I ordered the witchcraft mail order course by Gavin and Yvonne Frost. I began with the first installment. But I was soon distracted by PAF as we met a few times over the next few weeks, minus the mushrooms and his friend.

But one morning Aunt N came looking for me and went to where I was supposed to be babysitting. The lady told her she must have missed me as she had sent me to the store. There were two ways to get from my house to hers and the store. Aunt N did not find me. But the next day she took me to finish out the school year at my Aunt J's house.

Aunt J and Uncle D had taken care of my siblings and I off and on throughout my life. I never could connect with Uncle D which made me feel like he didn't like me even if that was not the truth. He was never inappropriate to me. They had raised 5 children together and their youngest was two years older than I was. We both went to the same school, but she would not be seen talking to me at school and barely talking to me at the house. We never rode to school together. My Uncle D was the band teacher at my high school as well and my Aunt J worked as a medical assistant. Aunt J was always very kind to me and showed me what a mother could be. Her house was always clean even when all five kids were at home. She was an inspiration to me.

One day she let me ride one of the bikes to I rode all the way to the PAF's apartment, but he had gone out of town. You see I never had the chance to tell him why I stopped coming over. I left a message with a neighbor as the lady I babysat for had also moved. Towards the end of the school year my Aunt J took me to a graduation at the high school and gave me a dress I was really uncomfortable wearing; it was a wraparound dress, and it would fly open. She gave me cheerleading undergarments to wear under it, but I still felt exposed as I was the girl always hiding her chest behind books and dressing as unflattering as possible to avoid attention.

Then I moved to the coast to live with my mom and stepdad. At least it was walking distance to my grandparents’ house.

JS 2nd BF

AS and I

MZ

PAF

Triggering child abuse sexual abuse rape sodamy suicide attempt neglect sensitive content not appropriate for minors

Age 14 continued

I moved to the coast to live with my mom and stepdad in June of 1979, when I was still 14 years old. One of the first things I remember about the new place was that my stepdad insisted on teaching me how to change a tire, which I thought was a little ahead of schedule as I wouldn't be able to drive for another two years. The house we lived in was a dump and should have been condemned. It had only a wood stove for heat, so I had to learn how to start a fire if I didn't want to be cold. My bedroom barely had a door that closed and there was only room for a bed. It was so bad that when my dog Trish and our other dog, a miniature Beagle, went into heat, I awoke to a male dog breaking into my room to get at them which was scary for me. He managed to hook up to the miniature Beagle and was dragging her backward out of the room and out the front door and I had to chase him while mom grabbed a hose to get them unhooked.

That Father’s Day I cooked a full Turkey Holiday style meal for my grandfather and my mother keep saying it was for my stepfather, but it wasn’t. My grandfather was the only father I ever had. I am not sure how I learned to cook such a large meal on my own, but it turned out really well.

I still got the creepy feeling from my stepdad, so I tried to stay away from him. The good part was I was walking distance to my grandparents’ house, and I had a few cousins that lived not too far away as well. I often fantasized about running away to California and becoming a prostitute, after all I did like sex although I had not actually been taken to the pinnacle of the act, The fact was at this point I had only been with the three guys, two were a onetime thing and the 3rd, PAF, was only a couple of times. But what my Friend had told be about making quick money was very tempting and I would get these Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogs and think about wearing all that sexy clothing. I had already figured out sex was all men wanted. The only good thing about my life at that point was I had my dog Trish to keep me company.

I had only been at my mom’s house for a few days and my mom and stepdad arranged for me to go out with this guy in his 30's so I could get out of the house. He had a CB radio he let me use and I was chatting with this guy on it. The 30-year-old I was with agreed to take me to meet the guy (KM) on the CB radio at the drive in. He was cute and only 18. He asked me out and my mom agreed to let me go out with him. So, every Friday KM would come pick me up and we would go to the drive in.

I also took a job, as a waitress, in a restaurant that summer, lying about my age. I was pretty busy that summer. The 18-year-old was still a virgin, so I was not pressured to have sex with him and that was nice as at this point, I still wanted to be selective. I met another girl (LD) my age that came to apply for work at the restaurant and we hung out a few times over the summer. We started hanging out at school too but it wasn't long before she moved away.

PAF called me about a month after I moved to Tillamook and said he was sorry we missed each other when I came and left him a message. He also told me I would be a real looker if I just got braces to straighten out my teeth. At the time I did not see that statement the way it was meant. He was saying I wasn’t great looking and would be better if I changed myself by getting braces. I was too young to see him for what he actually was.

I came home after one of the KM dates and my mother had asked me to let her know when I got home from my dates and so I knocked on her door and she didn't answer so I opened it and caught my mother having sex with my stepfather. I was so embarrassed I ran out and into the bathroom to wash my face. My mom came after me and she asked me if I was okay, but I was so embarrassed all I could say was "You make funny noises" and SLAP right across my face. I was not expecting that, and I didn’t feel it was the right response to my comment. However, later it opened a conversation that would help me later when it came to sex.

Summer was flying by, on a couple of days off from work at the restaurant my mom and stepdad took me camping with some friends of theirs. There were a couple of boys near my age camping too and they had a dirt bike. One boy (LC, whom I think had a crush on me) taught me how to ride the motorcycle and it was so fun. but when we got back to camp, I suddenly could not remember how to stop and almost ran over my stepdad. oops. The camping trip was definitely fun, and I wish there could have been more of them, but it was the last camping trip I would ever take with my mother. It is now August and time for the annual county fair, and I ended up having to work some of the days which upset my boyfriend as he felt I should have been at the fair with him. When I did get to go to the fair, he ignored me as he was tending to his family’s cows, so I was wandering around and got asked to go in the dunk tank. I thought it would be fun and said “sure”. But my boyfriend came out and saw me all wet and got even angrier.

It was only a week later that my stepdad took off back to Portland and my mom went looking for him. She found him at his ex's house, but he was really sick. She took him to the VA hospital. Then she also ended up sick enough to be hospitalized at another hospital as she did not qualify to be at the VA hospital. While they were in Portland at the two hospitals I was staying at my grandparents’ and went on a date with my KM. It was the night; I was going to finally have sex with him after dating for 2 months. He drove up into the mountains and we did it in his truck. It was quick to be sure and definitely not good. Then he said he had something in his eye right and quickly dropped me off at my grandparents’ house.

When I awoke in the morning, I learned my stepfather had died. He apparently was worried about my mom in the hospital, so he had checked himself out Against Medical Advice (AMA) to go see her. He got worse and died from pneumonia. I felt guilty because I had wished him dead so then I have to wonder if he died because I wanted him to die and I had several examples of times my thoughts may have caused a particular outcome.

My brother moved back in with us as mom had no excuse for leaving him with my father now. My brother had a truck so he would drive us to school.

Last Update: 4/20/2025

My Story: Teen Age Fourteen

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My Story: Teen Age Fifteen

Age 15

On my first day of school my brother told a few people it was my birthday, and a girl (JL) came up and wished me happy birthday and she decided she was going to be my friend. When I got home that day my boyfriend KM called and told me he felt we should break up so I could enjoy high school and meet a boy there. I felt betrayed again. another boy who only wanted one thing, sex, and as soon as he got it, he was gone. I never saw him again.

At school the next day, I met a boy (DW), and he asked if I wanted him to show me around. We ended up under the bleachers and I tried to kiss him. He couldn't get away from me fast enough. He was the last boy from my high school I ever went out with.

On the bus ride home and learned there were two girls (DS and BE) my age that lived around the corner from me. one in each direction. So now, I had three new friends, one with a car (JL) who lived in town and the two in walking distance of me. We all became fast friends and went out driving around on the weekends. My brother started dating one of them (BE) and they dated for a little over a year.

I had quit working at the restaurant as soon as school started so I had a lot of free time on my hands. I was in choir and the pianist (RH) was a boy a year older than I was. He was so cute and went to the same church my grandma always took us to. I joined the church youth group just to spend more time with him. Unfortunately, although he never came out while I knew him, I realized quickly I was not his type. But we remained friends over the next two years.

I have always had an interest in theater and so I volunteered to help after school with set building and learned quite a bit about stage makeup which I found fascinating. In the Winter and the Spring I was in a couple of plays during my Sophomore year. I played Late Rabbit, and my friend JL played Early rabbit in The House at Pooh’s Corner, and I played a Rockette in Babes in Arms, and I really enjoyed the theater and dreamt of becoming a movie star. I was even inducted into the national Thespian Society by kissing an eggplant. But alas that dream was not meant to be, I was too busy to pursue it further and was not cast for any other rolls and got discouraged. I have always been in choir throughout school as well. But I was never selected for any solo's and was only in main choir.

I had a lot of HS crushes, but no HS boy I was interested in seemed interested at all. I had a lot of male friends but none I wanted to be with. I was always interested in older boys or the bad boy type. The landlord lived right behind us and had a son living there who was around 18 years old, we would frequently take drives up the road and make out, but he wasn’t interested in more than that. I often rode my bike over to the blimp hangars a couple miles away, to where the school for juvenile detention boys was located, and would arrange to meet boys at the movies. It was exciting.

I was also easy to coax into doing things I shouldn't like smoking pot even though I didn't actually like it, as it made me sleepy, and shoplifting a necklace from the store next to the movie theater. My friends also encouraged me to do it. I did get away with it, but it made me feel so bad that I did not ever want to do it again. I believe I was so desperate to keep these new friends that I was willing to do what I thought at the time would encourage them to stay friends with me.

While living in the house near my grandparents my friend BE and my brother and I decided to see what drinking alcohol was like. Mom agreed to let us drink if we were at my friends and her parents were there to supervise us (Mom later denied ever agreeing to this). So, BE’s parents took us out for pizza and then bought us our drink of choice (they recommended Schlitz Malt Liquor beer and off we were to her house to get drunk. The beer tasted so bad I had to mix it with Sprite to get it down. I also tried a cigarette as it seemed to be what people did when they drank. It was gross and one was definitely enough. Then her dad suggested we try some wine, and we did, still gross. And then he offered a shot of Jack Daniels Whiskey. I do not know if his plan was to make us get sick or not, but it worked. I puked all over myself and then puked more in the bathroom. However, even worse was in the morning when BE’s parents made comments like oh yeah, there were some whole mushrooms and pepperoni in your vomit, we thought about serving them to you for breakfast. I quickly learned I did not really care for alcohol.

At some point mom found a new boyfriend (JB) and we moved to a house near the fairgrounds. Although I was still hanging out with my little group, a couple of guys had now joined us when we hung out. Living out near town put a little bit of a damper on our get togethers as I was not walking distance from anyone and was still too young to drive.

Two boys started hanging around with my little group of friends. Both boys expressed an interest in me, but I was not interested in them. I was very superficial back then and looks were very important to me. one of them (RS) I kind of liked but I could not get past his teeth. They were so crooked. The other boy (BO) was just not good looking to me at all, but we all had fun hanging out. I did not really have sex with very many people during this time because I was super picky and I was still looking for a long-term boyfriend. One ended up with DS and the other ended up with JL after school was out.

In May of that year Mt. Saint Helens erupted and the ash made it all the way to Tillamook. It looked like dirty snow everywhere. Shortly after the eruption my brother graduated from High School and joined the Navy, and my sister was already in the Army stationed in Okinawa Japan.

The summer before I turned 16 years old, mom and her boyfriend JB and I took a trip to Sacramento and picked up his 15-year-old son. We really hit it off and were even sneakily having sex in the back seat while they were driving. That continued for the couple of weeks while he stayed with us and then he went home. Mom and the BF had moved a female roommate (PS) in to help with the bills. She was nice, she taught English as a Second Language (ESL) at the local collage annex. PS gave me a good amount of advice in the few months we lived with her. Unfortunately, while living with JB, I had told my mom I thought I had hemorrhoids that were not getting better with over the counter (OTC) medications. She took me to the doctors, and it was diagnosed with HPV, and I had to undergo weeks of going in to the doctors for acid treatments. My mother also decided I needed to go on the pill since I was obviously sexually active. I finally told her about being raped and how I did not feel I could tell her before because she had told me I would get raped if I acted and dressed the way I had. She apologized for making me feel that way and told me it wasn’t my fault. But then she went and told JB about my warts and being raped. Betrayal again. I do not know if I caught the warts from the rape, the guy at the store, or PAF. I pray I did not give them to JB’s son or KM. Exactly why using condoms are a must!

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Last Update: 4/20/2025